Due to some sickness over the Christmas period, I had at the back of my mind that there would be a faint possibility that I might be having another baby. I am not, just to be clear. But up until last night, I thought it might be possible. The longer this possibility lingered, the more I started to worry about it. And what it came down to was not that I didn’t want another child but that I didn’t know how we could afford for us to have another one at this time.
I have been surprised how many people have already asked us if we are likely to have another child – some of these enquiries were made just weeks (or in some cases, days!) after Evelina was born. At first, it seemed impossible to contemplate – our focus was so entirely on the well-being and happiness of Evelina that the thought of caring for a second child seemed beyond our capabilities. Yet as time has gone on, and the questions continue, I have relented from ‘Lord, no!’ to ‘maybe, with time’.
However, as I waited and worried these past few days, it made me realise that all the financial worries aside, I am not ready to share Evelina’s time with another child although just saying that makes me feel guilty on behalf of any future child we have! After all, I am a second child and I have never once felt less than 100% loved and wanted and I would hate for a second child of mine to know that I have had thoughts that suggest that I would be happy with just the one that we have got. But right now, that is how I feel. I am surprised by this, since I had always wanted at least two children (originally I wanted four, when I was young and stupid). Evelina has been such a dream in terms of her temperament and her sleeping (!) that I am almost worried to jinx it. No doubt, this feeling will change (during the terrible twos perhaps!) and at some point, I may well want to complete our family (if I feel it isn’t already complete).
I still don’t really understand the questions though. Do other people really start thinking of Baby No 2, 3 or 4 while their current baby is still tiny?
In answer to your question, yes! Ironically for me, the smaller they are the broodier I am. As they get bigger the broodiness reduces.
Obviously I can’t give a “proper” answer to this due to the lack of First Baby, but it is something I do find interesting.
Sister in Law and I have spoken about when they plan to have another little one, and lots of people ask me – she’s made it very clear that it is definitely a case of Not Now. I think one is quite hard work at the moment! She also wanted four (she has 2 brothers and 1 sister) but I think that was swiftly revised after the arrival of M. Friends of hers with babies of the same age as M have started having other babies, but I’ve sensed from conversations with Sister in Law that this seems unfathomable to her at the moment. She’s enjoying M – and quite rightly so – and can’t think of sharing her time with another little one at the moment.
At a wedding recently, one of N’s family asked where our babies were – ironically, they were asking N and not me (even though I was stood right next to him) and I did comment that maybe my thoughts might be useful, due to me actually carrying the baby when the time was right? What I actually wanted to say was, “Er, mind your own, and would you like to discuss how often you’re having sex yourself?” – it’s an aspect of married life that I find truly bizarre – that because we’re married we must be planning exactly when we start a family.
The thing is, we do want a family – the idea of a little N pleases me no end (little me less so) – but it’s up to us to decide when we’re ready. As time goes on I’ve started thinking more about when we’ll have little ones, but I do know I’m not ready quite yet. The same is exactly true for you and Hub – it’s up to you. Evelina is still a wee one yet, there’s years to make these decisions! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy your daughter and the time with your little family
(There’s four years between me and my brother, so it clearly took my parents a little while to come round to the idea, hehe)
My mom asked me the same thing right after I gave birth to my first one (probably 2 hours after).
“Are you ready for another one?”
“Uh…absolutely not”
“Oh. I was ready for another one right away”.
Obviously I decided on more eventually. I will say the only time I even remotely felt like wanting another baby right away was this last time. That feeling wore off pretty quickly once she reached a more high maintenance stage though.
And people constantly ask if we are done. It probably won’t stop for another 5 years or so.
Oops, now I feel bad as I know I’ve asked you that!
But you didn’t ask when she was tiny! Also you are a good friend for whom the question is relevant so I didn’t mind you asking at all. It’s all the random people who asked that bugged me! X
The answer to that question is YES! I got pregnant with my second child when my first was only 8 months old, and it was planned before anyone asks (although we didn’t think it would happen immediately…). I wanted a small age gap as there was a big age gap between me and my sister and it was horrendous. It was hard work when they were tiny but it’s paid off now as they are the best of buddies.
I was also conscious that I didn’t want to be an older mum. Nothing wrong with it of course but for me, I like the idea that I’ll still be relatively young when they’ve (hopefully) flown the nest to go to University etc so the older I get the less likely I am to have any more.
I did think about having number 3 when number 2 was little but he was a horror adn well we’re just undecided about number 3 and I doubt it will ever happen because I don’t think either of us want another baby enough to make it happen!
You never know, right up to that point where you’re told that future children are no longer a possibility. At. All. That being said, I have often told people that there is no right time to have a baby, all that thinking and emotion just gets in the way! I never ever wanted another baby after my first miracle, but now I have three.
I wrote on the subject here: http://ifleftuntreated.wordpress.com/2010/03/15/cd7-theres-never-a-good-time-to-have-a-baby/
I’m also questioning having a second child. Ruby is just over 1 and like you, I feel blessed to have such a happy, well-behaved, sleep-loving child. My pregnancy was great and L&D was perfect, How could I be so lucky as to have that again? I definitely feel like I would jinx things.
I’m also concerned about the financial aspect and TIME and SANITY. I just don’t know how I could fit another kid into the mix. Part of me tells myself that I don’t need to think about it right now, there’s plenty of time. But the other part of me keeps saying, “you aren’t getting any younger!” and I am concerned about being in that ‘high risk’ category.